About Me

The following is a true and totally accurate biography of my life so far. Apart from this one paragraph. Everything else is true.

A child of the Viscount and Viscountess Greystoke, I was born literally with a silver spoon in my mouth. The family physician had no idea how it got there.
At the age of three, a plane we were travelling on crashed into the mountains of  Ontarioland, Canadia. Cut off from civilisation, we had no choice but to eat each other’s remains.
Luckily, I had the plane’s only flare gun.
After a large meal of overcooked meat, I set off, and came across a pack of wolves, a panther, and a singing black bear, who raised me to adulthood. They taught me the laws of the Canadian jungle – how to hunt, the correct way to hold a knife and fork, the meanings of road traffic signals.
To this day I still have many of the traits and habits of Canadian culture, ey?
As a teenager I left the jungle on a yellow horse, and ran into three soldiers with a fondness for duelling, and together, we got involved in a holy war. Good times.

Bored with my life so far, I have decided to seek my fortune with a pen and paper, and, headed home to my birthplace England, seat of the British Empire and the home of the English language. (Note to self – fact check this.)
Following  directions from the google machine, I drove down to New York docks, and swam across the Atlantic to do so.
As soon as my sore muscles recover, I shall commence the writing of my epic. Any year now.

Last updated 10th January 2013

13 thoughts on “About Me”

  1. Oh so it was YOU I passed…swimming in the opposite direction in the bloody freezing Atlantic. I started out in England and ended up here in Ontario. Strange that we should meet on the Leaky Wiki.

    From where in Ontario did you start YOUR swim?

    I had to retype the previous line and put the ‘From’ at the beginning because my dear mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) just could not stand ‘DANGLING PARTICIPLES’……i can put up with MOST ‘dangling’ things but NOT PARTICIPLES.

    Like

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