Comedy

Strangest Search Terms 3: The Last 18 Months

This will be the third in a series, in which I continue ripping off an idea from 101 Books. If a search term brought you here to my blog, I can see the phrase that brought you here. Obviously I can’t connect it to you personally, but this is a useful method to find what the people who turn up here want.
It also gives me the opportunity to laugh at the weird terms that led here.

It’s about eighteen months since I last wrote one of these, so a few weird search terms have built up in that time.

          there are downsides to looking this pretty samantha brick     
          daily mail samantha brick there are downsides to looking this pretty           
          samantha brick there are downsides to looking this pretty     
          samantha brick article there are downsides to looking this pretty      
          samantha bricks      

It’s now over two years since I wrote a piece about a ‘famous for being a bit of an idiot’ Daily Mail journalist turned celebrity TV contestant called Samantha Brick, but she keeps popping up. All of these are separate search terms, all near the top ranked of my search terms over the past year.

          neanderthal modern clothing

Unfortunately, I’ve not got pictures of this, but the idea does sound inherently hilarious. Neanderthals are from the distant past, but modern clothing isn’t – what an anachronism!

          how to make transformers paper bonecrusher

 But if you make the robots out of paper, then what’s the point of the movies? They’re only there to sell toys, you heartless parasite.

          graham westley spoof blog

 Graham Westley is a football manager who walked out as manager and owner of Farnborough for a better deal at Stevenage, allowing his former club to collapse; used a Daily Mail article to praise himself for turning around Preston’s ‘cancerous environment’ when they were on a run of 1 win in 12 and shortly before he was sacked; and texted players in the middle of the night to give them the team news and motivational messages. As far as I can tell, there is no Graham Westley spoof blog, but there should be plenty of material for it.

          robot dreams read by michael

It’s a good book – a collection of some of Isaac Asimov’s best robot stories. Unfortunately the recording I have of the stories being read is by a guy called Nicholas, so I can’t help out there.

          huddersfield prostitute

 I was hoping to keep my day job compartmentalised from the blog.

          wales from space

I’m choosing to assume that there’s meant to be a ‘h’ in there, and that this is some sort of cartoon where the whales talk, shoot ray guns and trade quips based on the species of each whale.

          early episodes of friends are better

 I definitely agree with this. And, like this searcher, I also like to type random things I believe into a search engine, just for the validation. Things like ‘blue smarties are the best smarties’ and ‘Picard is a better captain than Kirk’.

          sitcom slippers

 I also like to co-ordinate my clothing with the genre of TV programme I’m watching. I’ve got a nice scifi hat, and a great set of western socks.

          bananas behaving badly

Damn bananas. Constantly coming down the stairs, often in pairs.

          bear grylls slash rps fanfic

Bear Grylls is the host of a nature show, and slash fanfic is a genre that creates a romantic coupling between characters who don’t normally pair up in the show or book they’re in. RPS is a… rocket propelled shotgun? Is there a less disturbing option there?

          lego people with guns killing

 I’m not sure that this exists, but given the success of what Michael Bay’s done with the Transformers franchise, there may well be a dark and gritty live action reboot of this year’s cartoon movie just around the corner.

That is, unless the death of civilisation comes beforehand, which is a distinct possibility.

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